Memory Monday: Matters of Etiquette

My Great-Grandmother

MATTERS OF ETIQUETTE FROM YEARS AGO TO NOW

It seems that today “everything—but everything” is subject to inquiry: whatcha doin’? Where ya been?” What’s up?” And if you read posts on the Facebook and tweets on Twitter, you can find out everyone’s (at least, it seems like everyone’s) thoughts on any and all subjects. How things have changed!

I came across a section in a book—Martine’s Hand Book of Etiquette, published in 1866. By the way, that was four years after my great-grandmother was born. I want to share a bit about how people in that time period viewed speaking to one another. My comments are in bold.

--Whatever passes in parties at your own or another's house is never repeated by well-bred people. Things of no moment, and which are meant only as harmless jokes, are liable to produce unpleasant consequences if repeated. To repeat, therefore, any conversation which passes on such occasions, is understood to be a breach of confidence, which should banish the offender from the pale of good society. If we did this today, there would be nothing on Facebook or Twitter, but videos of cute kitties and recipes.

--Men of all sorts of occupations meet in society. As they go there to unbend their minds and escape from the fetters of business, you should never, in an evening, speak to a man about his profession. Do not talk of politics to a journalist, of fevers to a physician, of stocks to a broker, —nor, unless you wish to enrage him to the utmost, of education to a collegian. --The error which is here condemned is often committed from mere good nature and a desire to be affable. But it betrays to a gentleman, ignorance of the world,—to a philosopher, ignorance of human nature. Not talk politics to a journalist at a party? Where would the journalist get all the juicy leads then, especially in Washington D.C.?

--If you wish to inquire about anything, do not do it by asking a question; but introduce the subject, and give the person an opportunity of saying as much as he finds it agreeable to impart. Do not even say, "How is your brother to-day?" but "I hope your brother is quite well." But what if the person doesn’t tell me what I want to know? I have to find out so I can tell others.

--Never ask a lady a question about anything whatever. This last on would never, ever work in today’s world and that’s all I’m going to say on that one.

What are your thoughts about the way people speak (post, tweet) today? How about the etiquette a hundred and fifty years ago?