Memory Monday: A Valuable Lesson

Vera and Me

A MOST VALUABLE LESSON LEARNED

My husband’s paternal grandmother, Vera, was a small, feisty woman. After she was widowed, she lived for a number of years before her health caused her to move in with her twin sister, Era—but she was known to the family as Aunt Pete (still not sure why). But for most of the years I knew her, Vera lived in her own home by herself.

I would like to share my strongest memory of this woman and the lesson I learned that helps me today:

I met my husband’s grandmother at our wedding, but like many brides, there was so much going on that I didn’t make great connections with family members I had never met and who came from out-of-town (we lived in New Mexico and Vera lived in central Texas). So the first time I truly visited with her was when we went to her house. The first morning we were there and while my husband was getting dressed, I went into her kitchen as Grandmother (my husband’s name for her) was fixing breakfast. After greeting each other, she turned back to the stove. I noticed that the dress she was wearing hadn’t been zipped up the back up all the way.

I figured that she couldn’t reach back that far, so I said that I would help her with her zipper and reached out to do it. She turned around, looked at me, and said, “No, I’ll do it some way. One day, I’ll not be able to do things for myself. When that happens, it’ll be easier to accept help knowing that when I could do things for myself, I did them.”

She smiled. I smiled. A few minutes later, my husband walked into the kitchen, spied the dress not totally zipped up, and reached out to help. I jerked his arm back and shook my head. We went into the living room, and I explained what she had told me.

Now, forty plus years later, I understand much better what Grandmother meant. I’m older. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis, but I can still do things for myself. The day may come when I can’t do things for myself, but at that time, I’ll know that I did all I could while I could. And that already feels good.