Memory Monday: More Tidbits on Manners from the Past

My Great-grandparents and Their Children

MORE TIDBITS ON MANNERS FROM THE PAST

As I was reading through some books on etiquette, I came across these tidbits in Matines’s Handbook of Etiquette, by Arthur Matine. It was published just after the American Civil War in 1866. My great-grandfather—the father pictured above—was born the same year.

I wonder how many of these were specifically taught to my great-grandparents by their parents.

Never read in company. A gentleman or lady may, however, look over a book of engravings with propriety.

It is a great thing to be able to walk like a gentleman—that is, to get rid of the awkward, lounging, swinging gait of a clown, and stop before you reach the affected and flippant step of a dandy. In short, nothing but being a gentleman can ever give you the air and step of one. A man who has a shallow or an impudent brain will be quite sure to show it in his heels, in spite of all that rules of manners can do for him.

In private, watch your thoughts; in your family, watch your temper; in society, watch your tongue.

Good sense must, in many cases, determine good breeding; because the same thing that would be civil at one time and to one person, may be quite otherwise at another time and to another person.

Frequent consultation of the watch or time-pieces is impolite, either when at home or abroad. If at home, it appears as if you were tired of your company and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if the hours dragged heavily, and you were calculating how soon you would be released.

If you would have your children grow up beloved and respected by their elders as well as their contemporaries, teach them good manners in their childhood. The young sovereign should first learn to obey, that he may be the better fitted to command in his turn.

Show, but do not show off, your children to strangers. Recollect, in the matter of children, how many are born every hour, each one almost as remarkable as yours in the eyes of its papa and mamma.

How many of these do you think we should still be following today?

Memory Monday: Why Did They Do It Like This Back Then?

My Great-grandmother Emma

WHY DID THEY DO IT LIKE THIS BACK THEN?

While I was doing research for my historical magazine, Worbly’s Family Monthly Magazine (if you haven’t seen it, here is the link http://worblysmagazine.com/ ), I came across a cookbook that left me wondering a bit. It had an interesting section titled: MEDICINAL AND MISCELLANEOUS. Now I might be a bit odd at times, but normally I would put medical recipes and miscellaneous recipes in different sections—who knows, I might skip a line and bathe my feet with toast and cider if I didn’t.

Anyway, I wanted to share the names of the recipes that were grouped together in this section. Do you see any problem with the way it was done (the rest of the book was done as a traditional cookbook—meats, vegetable, pies, cakes, etc.)? The name of the book is The Improved Housewife, published in 1855—the same year my great-grandmother Emma was born.

Here are the recipes—in order—from the section MEDICINAL AND MISCELLANEOUS:

831. For Sprained Ankle.

832. Roast Apple Tea, and Acid Jelly.

833. Toast and Cider.

834. To Bathe the Feet.

835. R—f and R—y's Cure for Corns.

836. Mild Cathartic for Dispepsia.

837. Mustard Drafts.

838. Dropped Eggs.

839. For Teething Complaints of Children.

840. For Over Dose of Laudanum.

841. Chicken or Cracker Panada

842. For Prickly Heat.

843. Red Mixture, for Summer Complaint.

844. Ringworms.

845. Runaround.

846. Tobacco Salve. Royal.

847. For the Tetter.

848. To Stop Vomiting.

849. To Cure Seed Warts.

850. Toast Water.

851. Cure for Wens.

852. Cheap Cement for Bottles and Jars.

853. To make French Pomalum. Nice.

854. Southern Yellow Pickles.

855. Virginia Temperance Preserves.

856. Charleston Pudding.

857. Norfolk Spoonful Pudding.

And then they added these final two in the section—the only two that are not recipes:

858. General Rule

If a thing be worth doing at all, it is worth well doing:—best done, by self.

859. Punctuality

Fifteen minutes before the time.

Please help me—do you see the logic in this grouping? By the way, I just love this picture of my great-grandmother. I wish that I had known her.

Memory Monday: Teaching Table Manners to Children

My Great-grandparents

TEACHING TABLE MANNERS TO CHILDREN

Teaching manners has always been important. As I have gathered information from the 1800s for my historical website and my “reprinted” historical magazine, I have come across many books on etiquette. The following is from The Ladies Repository, dated 1865. Knowing from raising my own children, some of the easiest ways to teach are in rhyme. My great-grandmother (pictured above with her husband and children) was born in 1862. I wonder if her mother taught her the rhyme below, or if she taught it to her children.

In silence I must take my seat;

And give God thanks before I eat;

Must for my food in patience wait

Till I am asked to hand my plate;

I must not scold, nor whine, nor pout,

Nor move my chair or plate about;

With knife, or fork, or napkin ring,

I must not play—nor must I sing;

I must not speak a useless word;

For children must be seen—not heard;

I must not talk about my food,

Nor fret if I don't think it good;

My mouth with food I must not crowd,

Nor while I'm eating speak aloud;

Must turn my head to cough or sneeze,

And when I ask, say, "If you please;"

The table-cloth I must not spoil,

Nor with my food my fingers soil:

Must keep my seat when I am done,

Nor round the table sport or run:

When told to rise, then I must put

My chair away with noiseless foot,

And lift my heart to God above,

In praise for all his wondrous love.

I know that when my daughter was little, we read the book, I Live in the City ABC, so many times that we could recite it from memory—as we often did when we were driving around doing errands. Maybe my great-great-grandmother or my great-grandmother said it enough to their children that they could recite it when they were out in the garden picking beans or hoeing weeds. 

Memory Monday: Matters of Etiquette

My Great-Grandmother

MATTERS OF ETIQUETTE FROM YEARS AGO TO NOW

It seems that today “everything—but everything” is subject to inquiry: whatcha doin’? Where ya been?” What’s up?” And if you read posts on the Facebook and tweets on Twitter, you can find out everyone’s (at least, it seems like everyone’s) thoughts on any and all subjects. How things have changed!

I came across a section in a book—Martine’s Hand Book of Etiquette, published in 1866. By the way, that was four years after my great-grandmother was born. I want to share a bit about how people in that time period viewed speaking to one another. My comments are in bold.

--Whatever passes in parties at your own or another's house is never repeated by well-bred people. Things of no moment, and which are meant only as harmless jokes, are liable to produce unpleasant consequences if repeated. To repeat, therefore, any conversation which passes on such occasions, is understood to be a breach of confidence, which should banish the offender from the pale of good society. If we did this today, there would be nothing on Facebook or Twitter, but videos of cute kitties and recipes.

--Men of all sorts of occupations meet in society. As they go there to unbend their minds and escape from the fetters of business, you should never, in an evening, speak to a man about his profession. Do not talk of politics to a journalist, of fevers to a physician, of stocks to a broker, —nor, unless you wish to enrage him to the utmost, of education to a collegian. --The error which is here condemned is often committed from mere good nature and a desire to be affable. But it betrays to a gentleman, ignorance of the world,—to a philosopher, ignorance of human nature. Not talk politics to a journalist at a party? Where would the journalist get all the juicy leads then, especially in Washington D.C.?

--If you wish to inquire about anything, do not do it by asking a question; but introduce the subject, and give the person an opportunity of saying as much as he finds it agreeable to impart. Do not even say, "How is your brother to-day?" but "I hope your brother is quite well." But what if the person doesn’t tell me what I want to know? I have to find out so I can tell others.

--Never ask a lady a question about anything whatever. This last on would never, ever work in today’s world and that’s all I’m going to say on that one.

What are your thoughts about the way people speak (post, tweet) today? How about the etiquette a hundred and fifty years ago?